After attending a few interesting conferences, the last few conferences seemed to be less impressive. Learning points are just as mentioned plainly in the messages, having lack of depth which I am looking for. It is easy to put myself in a position of seen-it-all and just get by with the conference. Yet I thought that there is a need to be serious and make the most out of this opportunity to encounter God right there and listen to what he wants to reveal to me.
So my friend and I had the same feeling. That the conference seemed flat in stimulating our minds / bringing us the depth we want. It will be just another conference. And God just proved us wrong with the next sermon and "altar call".
The conference gave me a reality check - on how terrible I was in obeying God's greatest commandment. These two verses (below) was stated simply to the extent that I cannot say that I do not understand it.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
And the simplest words turned out to be the toughest to live out. Loving God, others and myself proved to be the most difficult commandment for me.
On loving God - I reflected my service for the year and realized there were points where I placed my needs/wants above God's glory, asking him why I don't see what I want to see, why the things I long to see are not yet realized, being too caught up with the things I want to see. As I consider God's unconditional love on the cross, I was reminded that God does not owe me anything and all that I received is from Him.
On loving others - It is very easy to treat people based on how they treat you. I might have wanted love to be reciprocated and tend to be disappointed by how (seemingly) ungrateful people around me can be. I lack the heart of a shepherd - a compassionate heart for all and failed to see their brokeness in their lives actually demands more attention. I tend to ration my love for others so I can prevent myself from getting hurt. But if to love is to be vulnerable, then I have not authentically loved others like how God wanted me to love.
On loving myself - It seemed like this is the easiest part. But it's not. I am in a love-hate relationship with myself. There were the days where I am disguised by what I committed and overwhelmed by guilt. There were the days I just felt like bashing myself up for making life difficult for myself. My eyes focused on my guilt and I found myself very unworthy of His love and kindness. Fortunately God did not allow me to be in that sad state for too long a time.
I pray that His love will overflow in my life and that I would fix my eyes on His love and righteousness. Also for a shepherd's heart with genuine concern and compassion for sheeps.
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