Was trying to find the cause of this gloominess.
I guessed that much of the things which bubbled up in my mind were related to the theme talk I heard yesterday during fellowship time. Though what was spoken by the speaker was not really in line with what I expected, there were some things to give thanks for. I appreciated the sharing from the group members, each finding that there is an issue with ourselves not taking initiative to listen, communicate, care and serve. I was grateful that God presented me with an appropriate opportunity to air my thoughts and feelings related to this.
So why did I catch myself feeling gloomy?
I supposed I actually wanted all my group members to attend the theme talk yesterday,
though I understood that they preferred to be somewhere else yesterday.
As beings with desire, we are driven by it to do what we really want to do. If we find out what we desire by the acts which we do intentionally, "un-coerced". So the absence of some of my members seemed to communicate the message that, "I'd rather be there than here with the group today."
As a small group leader, getting this message was rather disappointing. During sharing, one of the group members pointed out that meeting our good/best friends seemed so compelling but meeting as a cell group seemed somewhat different. Maybe subconsciously we are treat "fellowshipping" as an obligation rather than an act which we really want to do.
Then comes the question - Is it normal to find fellowship less desirable , as something we are not inclined to do? And my response to that question is yes. Because 团契 is a 操练, a form of training.
I find that I have actually coming to terms with this. The truth hurts to arrive at the finding that somehow we desire some form of connection but seems like we are not inclined to find that through true fellowship. Of course, fellowship is not all that bad. And the issue is actually that we are not very keen to accept the "taxing" part of fellowshipping.
After going through the sunday school lesson today, it seemed like some or many of us are in a sense, behaving like some non-believer, wanting to know the loving God without coming to terms that we are sinners who actually deserve death, hell and God's wrath. And after accepting Christ as our Lord and Savior, we want fellowship to meet our needs (i.e growth, warmth,care) without embracing this thing called commitment or devotion. The "I want to receive and if possible, not give" mentality then gets formed. And this causes real issues like committee members getting burnout and things remaining status quo (which can be rather depressing).
So at the end it boils down to our attitude towards fellowship.
Processing all this together actually brought me to question whether an adjustment of my current expectation of 团契/组员 based on the the current state of things.
Should I expect some fellowship to take place in the committee? I am not so sure, after suggesting a 职员 lunch meeting and having no response from the rest. I am not so sure. But I know I took the initiative to ask and that I would have said that I tried. All outcomes are determined by the Lord so I will pray for that the best to take place for my fellowship.
Even though there may be more gloomy moments to come, I pray that I will find joy in serving the Lord. Even though it may seem that no progress is made for fellowship, may my resolve to serve the Lord be steadfast.
At the very least, I can expect God to hear all of this and know the cares enough to lay down His life for me. May that be enough. And may anything more be considered a bonus, an additional thing to give thanks for.
No comments:
Post a Comment