This Thursday's Post

Thursdays this semesters often end on a sad note. Why?
My last lecture session for Thursdays goes through content on mental health. (Btw, thank God that I could take this module to understanding humans beings better (for a change, in contrast to the computer science theories).

It is interesting that WHO's definition of health is "not merely the absence of disease but a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being". (By that definition almost no one can be really healthy.)

As for mental health, it is a a state of well-being in which the person realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with normal life stresses and work productively. Each lecture on Thursday zooms in on a particular topic and bring up how these problems were perceived or understood, what treatments are in place and how Singapore handles certain things.

Today's lecture was on Personality. With each section gone through, I could see where I am in that model, occasionally wondering and giggling at my friends who match certain descriptions. But towards the end of the lecture, the problematic part comes in - personality disorders and how poor self-esteem can cause issues (e.g. anorexia).

I found the definition of self-esteem in the notes rather interesting.
"Self-esteem can be also defined as the combination of feelings of capability with feelings of being loved".

I could relate to those words there.
On bad days I often find myself asking this question...

" Why do I deserve to eat my mother's well-cooked food when I can't do anything right today? "
(I also noticed I eat slightly lesser on these days)

In this question, being loved can be taken as having the privilege to eat the food which my mother cooked and "I can't do anything right" can be taken as a terrible feeling of inadequacy or capability.

More often than not, I am inclined to think that I under-deliver and I am letting my family down. For this period of job hunt, the feelings of inadequacy were reinforced as I read through job requirements which are demanding and intimidating. Then there's that second-guessing of why I was even shortlisted for an interview in a certain firm.

Then on wider scale of things, the harsh reality of the working world is that the best take all the interesting jobs and leave people like me to take the leftovers or continue wandering until they see something they like.

There is reason to believe that the circumstances are bleak but I will trust in the Lord. I will trust in the Lord even as I am not entirely sure where I will end up.