Triggered sadness

"But I don't know why I feel this way. It just happened. There is no reason for it," David replied when I asked him what had triggered his depression.

"I believe that you don't know why you feel depressed or what happened to trigger your feelings. But I can promise you that there is a reason for it. God made you in such a way that you don't feel so bad for no reason."

"Well, I don't have any idea what it would be. It just hit me. I don't have a clue."

"Let's think about it," I said, knowing that when we talk honestly, more truth emerges. We talked, but nothing emerged. We talked more. Nothing. Then I felt the urge to pray that I have learned to trust over the years as being from the Spirit. So I said, "Let's ask God to show us through his Spirit. So I said, "Let's ask God to show us through his Spirit what was happening." And we did

As we began to talk again, David's expression changed. His face quivered, and begin to shake. Some powerful emotions came to the surface as he realised what had triggered his expression. The day before he had had a conversation with someone who had attended a funeral. This conversation put him in touch with his feelings over the loss of his mother at a young age. His depression made total, rational sense. We, in our limited awareness and knowledge, could not find the reason, but the Holy Spirit could. 

(extracted from "How People Grow" by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend)

This incident highlighted the fact that the Holy Spirit can help us this way, to understand things. But the reason I placed it here in this post is because something triggered sadness in me today.

My friend's question -> "How are you holding up?"

Let's just say that things were looking rather rough for the last few weeks. I found myself drained after I helped out in an event last Saturday. I felt like Elijah (in 1 Kings 19:5) drained, and needing to lay under a broom tree. And my friend's question came across to me like God asking Elijah (in 1 Kings 19:9) , "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

Elijah replied what he did for the Lord and what was currently happening. I thought about my past experiences and more bitter-than-sweet ones were there. The colors of my life has been less than vibrant.There's a lot of patches of grey/blue emo moments. And I became cognizant that these past experiences played a role in shaping who I am today, a weak man who often has his limit of longsuffering tested and needs to get a breather regularly from facing the harsh realities of life. Where else can you find a spineless man like me? (This is a open declaration that I am not the person who have it altogether. I am such a delicate being.)

To end this post on a less blue note, I shall also state that if those experiences did not come by, I probably won't end up serving at where I am now. There is much that I hope others will never experience. And there  remains much to be done for God. (Here, see experiences as a double-edged sword)

Apostle Paul mentioned that "the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us". And the struggle continues - to live a life with submission to God, knowing that the cross will not be easy to bear, denying myself will be painful, some parts will be unpleasant. But hey, no pain no gain right?

Lord, by your grace I shall walk on ...