I did not like the late notice of things to happen. (Deadlines and deliverable haven't been my good friends these days.) My mind was pre-occupied with why things must take place in such a short time and I was expecting an explanation. Am I the only one expecting one? Do I have the right to demand for one? I am not so sure. There was also that part of me doubting that anything presentable to God can come out within such a short time.
On top of that, though well knowing that everyone (but perhaps me) was making an effort to piece everything together, I felt things were still quite disorganized. It affected my learning and caused slight frustration. The feeling of "I-don't-like this-and-I-can't-do-anything-about-it" bothered me over the next few hours and it distracted me from learning what I had to learn. (So I have myself to blame for not learning fast enough today.)
Then came the "I-am-feeling this-way-but-I-should-not". Because everyone seems perfectly fine with what was expected of them and were visibly putting in effort, not grumbling. Perhaps what I should learn is to cheerfully give my 100% no matter what is demanded from me and to live like a 'roadsweeper' - accepting my lot and what the leaders have planned without questioning.
Need to render cheerful service to God. After today, I think it became much harder.
God, please help me.
(My mind got disordered thinking about why I think and feel this way. Sigh. Complex me.)
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