Not bad enough and better than we deserve

After the release of last semester's results, one of my friend commented this:

_____ feels like killing himself now...

While it seems like a common habit for us express ourselves using words like " die" and "kill" , we usually know we do not mean what we say. Taking the expression literally however, reminded me of the NTU incident that took place some time back. Good grades meant a lot to the victim/aggressor.

Good grades have become a source of security, joy and hope for many. Hence, when they fail to attain good grades, they would feel lost as that source of security, joy and hope have fled from them. It is easy for us to grumble and ask God why, though God did nothing wrong and often the fault lies with us, when we let the good grades determine our identity instead of God himself. We attribute value to good grades and in turn, devalue God.

Some are inclined to think that they deserve good grades with all the hours of study they devoted. We reap what we sow, so as long as we constantly put in effort to sow and pay attention to our 'crops' we should reap great harvest. What I think a farmer will do is to plan what to grow, plough the ground, sow the seeds and take care of his crops. Yet he knows that he cannot be sure that he can reap a good harvest because there is so much he cannot control. Can he control the climate (drought)? Can he control the rainfall (flood)? Can he even get the seeds? Will he possess enough strength to tend to his field? Failure to identify and rely on the source of all things will only direct us to work with our own strength and ultimately, self-worship.

Unless the LORD builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain. (Psalm 127:1)

Let us receive this message that God is central to life and sovereign in life. If we work without God, the work has no meaning.

Closely related to the previous preconception, some think that it is unfair that others did better than them. This is where we do not understand the grace of God.

Person A: How are things?

Person B: Not bad enough.

Person A: How are things?

Person C: Better than I deserve.

Person B and Person C understood that things could have been much worse. When we know we are sinners (and we still) fall short of the glory of God, are we in a position to demand something from Him (other than death) even after we studied so much? If our obedience is intentionally rendered only to get good grades, how different are we to the Pharisees? Yet God shows mercy and cares for us.

What is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?

You have made them a little lower than the angels
and crowned them with glory and honor. (Psalm 8:4-5)

When we get something less than the wrath of God, that is when we say things are no bad enough or better than I deserve. No amount of work can put us in a position where we can demand something from God. It is only by God's grace and by faith that we can ever receive what we had, what we have and what we will have.

So let us repent and keep in mind what repentance is: a turning from reliance on human traits and works, to a reliance on God's mercy for our security and joy and hope. May we find joy in the Lord and may the joy of the Lord be our strength to do all things.